A Standing of Stans 1

American fighting men and women (heroes all, whatever their sexual proclivities) are being sacrificed to no purpose in the wretched region of feuding fiefdoms named Afghanistan. It may soon merge with Pakistan. Other stans may join them. There will be a whole Standing of Stans. And they will have Pakistan’s nuclear arsenal to promote jihad.

Because “the coalition forces”, which is to say the United States forces under Obama’s command, have lost the war they’ve been fighting there for – how many decades is it now?

It is not the fault of the US army.

It is because it has been organized into a community of social workers and nation builders.

Its orders are to win hearts and minds. The hearts of Afghans! The minds of Afghans!

Medals are to be awarded to soldiers for not shooting.

The ideal army for an America under an Obama presidency would be manned – so to speak – entirely with women and gay men with pacifist opinions. But with ethnic diversity of course.

Its motto would be: ‘Ask, tell, and no fighting please.”

Its perfect field commander – or rather, “feel commander” – would be Michelle Obama. She would soon have the troops armed only with spades and teaching the Afghans – victims of US aggression, one and all – to grow veggies instead of opium, and watch their fat intake to avoid becoming obese.

Until, that is, the Taliban objects to her being female and doing a job at the same time.

Then Obama could apologize to the Taliban and bring Michelle and the caring sharing land-army home and declare the war over.

  • Kelly

    The trouble with our Afghan strategy is it has been way too broad from the start — comically so. We should have simply punished them good and proper in the fall of 2001 and then left. But W's good intentions and ambitions got the better of him, and Obama is bent on making the situation more tragic still. I am the first person to advocate building girls' schools in Afghanistan. The trouble is Afghanistan is decades if not centuries away from a situation where that is even feasible. First, those girls need to be safe within those schools and on their way to them. They are not, because there is no rule of law. There won't be any rule of law anytime soon because Afghan culture is violently opposed to it. We can (temporarily) change the Afghan landscape by building things on it, but we can never change their mindset, because they are hopelessly backward, and the vast majority of them like it that way.