How to be a racist 4

To answer letters from readers asking questions about race and racism, we engaged a woke Agony Parent’s Sibling of mixed genders.

Zir pen-name is DEI (derived from the Universal Motto of Virtue, “Diversity, Equity, Inclusion”).

Here are some of zir replies:

 

Dear Retired Firefighter,

So you believe you are not a racist?

You think that race is one of “the least important or interesting things” about people, and you “know” that the differences between individuals of every race are “far more numerous and significant” than the differences between races.

What you fail to understand is that those very notions make you a racist.

If you want to stop being a racist – and you really should – you must get it firmly into your head that race IS the most important thing about us all.

But first you must sincerely want to be cured of your wrong-think. If you do not, then you want to be a racist. In which case my message to you is – that’s what you ARE.

So you do not deserve to live.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear Black Supremacist,

Of course the more melanin you have in your cells the more physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, politically, and mystically superior you are. I can confirm that without even having to appeal to the Washington Post’s fact-checker.

If anybody says you’re wrong, they do not deserve to live.

Hail, hero!

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear History Corrector,

No, Africans never sold fellow Africans to white slavers.

No, there have never been white slaves of black or brown slave owners. There have never been any black or brown slave owners.

No, it was not a minority of southern white Americans who owned slaves. All white Americans owned slaves.

No, aid does not flow from white countries to black and brown countries. It only goes the other way.

If any white person or Uncle Tom argues with you about any of these facts, they do not deserve to live.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear Peaceful iPhoner,

Yes, it is shocking the way whites have culturally appropriated whatever they have culturally appropriated.

Yes, owning a gun is your unalienable right.

Enjoy your riot in Portland next Saturday night.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear White Penitent,

Apologies, though necessary, are not sufficient.

Whiteness is an unforgivable sin against humanity, democracy, Joe Biden and Harvard University.

Continue to live on your knees.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

Posted under Humor, satire by Jillian Becker on Monday, April 5, 2021

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