The Lone Wolf 2

He’s a Lone Wolf. Get that? A LONE WOLF.

Who is?

A man who’s been arrested.

For what? Where?

In New York. On  terrorism charges.

Terrorism charges? In New York? What’s he done?

Nothing. He’s done nothing.

Then why – ?

He’s just a loner who lives with his mother in the Bronx.

What’s his name? Muhammad Something?

Don’t be racist! In fact, his name is Jose Pimentel. Okay, he also calls himself Muhammad Yusuf. But he’s totally a LONE WOLF.

He must have done something to be arrested and charged.

He’s been watched for more than a year by the authorities. The authorities are doing a great job protecting this country, we want you to know.  

Why were they watching him?

He spent a lot of time on the internet.

Any sites in particular?

And lately he’s been buying materials that could be used for making a bomb. They caught him drilling into a pipe. First step in making a bomb. In his mother’s kitchen. In the Bronx. He lived alone with her. A total LONE WOLF.

Do they know what he was planning to bomb?

Returning soldiers. 

Returning from – ?

Iraq and Afghanistan.

Iraq and Afghanistan? What’s his religion?

That has nothing to do with it. But okay, he’s a Muslim. Totally a LONE WOLF who lives with his mother.

I see. You didn’t say what sites he visited on the Internet.

TrueIslam1.

Is that where he learnt how to make a bomb?

No. He learnt that from a magazine called Inspire.

Inspire? Isn’t that the magazine put out by al-Qaeda?

What do you have to bring al-Qaeda into this for? I keep telling you, he’s a …

Lone Wolf.

Right. 

What was his motive in planning to bomb soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan?

Now you’re asking a question we can’t answer. We have no idea. It’s a complete puzzle. We’re stumped. We’re hoping he’ll say what his motive was.  

He hasn’t said anything that gives you a clue?

Nothing. Just a lot of  confused nonsense about America being a legitimate target in time of war. WarWhat war? And America a target?  None of it makes any sense at all. He’s some kind of nut. And totally a  …

Lone Wolf?

You got it.

  • Anonymous

    I heard Bloomberg call him a ‘long’ wolf on the news clip.  The old guy has teleprompter issues. LOL

  • Liz

    You have to admit, that phrase Lone Wolf does come in handy when you are contorted into a pretzel trying to report news and kiss Eric Holders a$$ at the same time.