BedLaM 14

(A message in a bottle.)

I am old enough to remember happier times.

There used to be small shops and restaurants, cafes and bars all along the main street of our town. Not any more. A lot of the buildings are still there but the units are empty.  Everything we buy is delivered from warehouses which are fenced off and under military protection. The delivery drivers have an armed security guard riding with them and keeping beside them right to our front door. We must sign for everything every time and show ID.

Everything is very expensive. We buy much less food than we used to. The smaller children have never tasted meat or fish.

We are classed as “white” – even though two of us aren’t – so none of us in our part of this house gets relief money. You must be classed “of color” to get the government payout, unless you were ever in prison in the old days when people used to be punished for stealing or setting fire to buildings or killing police or taking children away from their parents. Then the credit you get is called “reparation payment”.

We cannot go for walks or bicycle rides. Our car was taken from us even though it was electric.

The schools are closed. They say the buildings are put to some use but we don’t know what. Children are taught by television and only officially sanctioned textbooks may be used. Formal home schooling is forbidden. Privately owned libraries have been confiscated, but there is a list of books you are allowed to own, up to a certain number.

All the prisons have been closed down, and the law courts, and the police offices and barracks. There are no police.

The hospitals are behind high fences and gates and are heavily guarded. Only ambulances are let in. You book an ambulance if you need to go to a hospital. The wait can be days, even weeks. The only exception is if you want an abortion. Then an ambulance comes for you in a few minutes. But if you lie so as to get to a hospital you are denied treatment. There is no emergency service. If people are injured in a street accident they are taken to a fire station for immediate first aid and then wait their turn for hospital treatment. Most firefighters are trained paramedics and do not fight fires.

If you work with your hands in a factory or as a repairperson, you are transported by bus. If you work at home you can only go outside into your own yard, provided it’s fenced in and has no back gate.

Every night, after curfew, we can hear gunshot like we used to hear traffic and talk and insects.

We are not allowed to have a gun in the house. We have put bars and grids over our doors and windows, and we have hoses ready in case of fire. But there are hours every day when we have no water. And hours when we have no electricity. Our old central heating and air-conditioning no longer work.

Our telephones will only get through to certain given numbers. Everything we send by email goes to the censors, whoever they are, and only some are sent on to the addresses we put on them. No messages to private people are allowed. We can send them to our representatives in the town or the state or Congress, or the IRS, or the boss of the government department we work for.

Voting is compulsory. Our ballot sheets are brought to us with the name of the person we are voting for already printed on them. All each of us needs to do is sign a sheet in front of the official who brings it. There is only one political party.

Very little traffic comes along our road. Just delivery vans, workplace buses, occasional ambulances, the military patrols, repair trucks, dog catchers, and the government inspectors’ armored cars. The inspectors call at every house a few times a week, at different times, sometimes at two or three in the morning. They are the highest paid workers. They are all “people of color”. (So are all the armed security guards.)

We do not know if it is the same everywhere in America, or anywhere else in the world. We only know what we are told during one news hour every evening: climate control data, the latest taxes and the dates by which they must be paid, information about the current epidemic and what we must do about it, whether masks, inoculations, isolation, and/or fines.

A security guard who came with a delivery person told me she was going on next to a house by the sea, so I asked her to throw this message in a bottle into the water. I’ve had it ready (except for this last paragraph) for days. I explained what it was. She seemed sympathetic. I think she will do me the favor, though I can’t be sure. If she takes it to the inspectors I’ll be in trouble. If you who are reading this are not an inspector, and are in another country, well, just so you know …

Posted under satire, United States by Jillian Becker on Friday, January 7, 2022

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In defense of diversity in defense 2

General J. P. Sears tells you all about the new US army (up to the 5.20 mark):

Posted under Defense, satire, Videos by Jillian Becker on Monday, June 21, 2021

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How to be a racist 4

To answer letters from readers asking questions about race and racism, we engaged a woke Agony Parent’s Sibling of mixed genders.

Zir pen-name is DEI (derived from the Universal Motto of Virtue, “Diversity, Equity, Inclusion”).

Here are some of zir replies:

 

Dear Retired Firefighter,

So you believe you are not a racist?

You think that race is one of “the least important or interesting things” about people, and you “know” that the differences between individuals of every race are “far more numerous and significant” than the differences between races.

What you fail to understand is that those very notions make you a racist.

If you want to stop being a racist – and you really should – you must get it firmly into your head that race IS the most important thing about us all.

But first you must sincerely want to be cured of your wrong-think. If you do not, then you want to be a racist. In which case my message to you is – that’s what you ARE.

So you do not deserve to live.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear Black Supremacist,

Of course the more melanin you have in your cells the more physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, socially, politically, and mystically superior you are. I can confirm that without even having to appeal to the Washington Post’s fact-checker.

If anybody says you’re wrong, they do not deserve to live.

Hail, hero!

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear History Corrector,

No, Africans never sold fellow Africans to white slavers.

No, there have never been white slaves of black or brown slave owners. There have never been any black or brown slave owners.

No, it was not a minority of southern white Americans who owned slaves. All white Americans owned slaves.

No, aid does not flow from white countries to black and brown countries. It only goes the other way.

If any white person or Uncle Tom argues with you about any of these facts, they do not deserve to live.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear Peaceful iPhoner,

Yes, it is shocking the way whites have culturally appropriated whatever they have culturally appropriated.

Yes, owning a gun is your unalienable right.

Enjoy your riot in Portland next Saturday night.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

*

Dear White Penitent,

Apologies, though necessary, are not sufficient.

Whiteness is an unforgivable sin against humanity, democracy, Joe Biden and Harvard University.

Continue to live on your knees.

Parent’s Sibling DEI

Posted under Humor, satire by Jillian Becker on Monday, April 5, 2021

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The horrible virus is Chinese 1

Paul Joseph Watson talks about the pandemic of the Chinese Virus:

 

(Hat-tip to our commenter Jeanne)

 

Posted under China, Commentary, Health, satire, Videos by Jillian Becker on Friday, March 20, 2020

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In the dark to bind him 4

The “quid pro quo” is to the impeachment inquiry as “collusion” was to the Mueller investigation: anti-Trump narratives in search of a crime.

The “quid pro quo” is being worked up by the cabal of impeachers to concoct a bribo-treasonality high-crimey and misdemeanorish Trump-Unacceptability that will pass muster as a category of wrong-doing for the ritual of Constitutional Impeachment. A lot of legal words – subpoena, quid pro quo, testimony – are chanted to make it all sound due processy, just as recommended by the protocols of lynching (as conducted by Captain Lynch on British crown loyalists), kangaroo courts, witch trials and Soviet political show trials.

There, in the basement of the Capitol, behind locked doors with signs saying “Trump-free zone”, impeachers are composing an incantation, which, when delivered with great solemnity somewhere in the vicinity of a gavel, will denounce Trump for Trump-Unacceptability, and the populace will then hurl their votes against him.

Progress is being made. They have decided that “habeus corpus” does not require them to create an actual voodoo doll stuck with pins to present to the Senate. (But they can rest happy in the knowledge that actual witches are gathering to curse Trump, and have sent out directions for doll-making out of simple every-day orange items. Cheetos. Oranges.) [See here and here.]

No, their hermeneutics has persuaded them that the press’s metaphorical doll-torture – poking at Trump’s image and reputation – is all that is necessary to satisfy the sympathetic magic clause (“due process”) of the Constitution, which a few exegetical haruspices have suggested might be an implicit requirement in the impeachment clauses.

 

C.Gee    October 25, 2019

Posted under satire by Jillian Becker on Friday, October 25, 2019

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Parody 15

Have you yet picked a victim group with which you “identify”?

If you haven’t picked one at least, you’re doomed, comrade!

You’ve gotta be one of the oppressed in America now, or you’re nothing. No, of course you don’t have to actually be oppressed, you’ve just got to belong to a group that can say it’s oppressed because it’s not white and male.

Why should only those who have actually been oppressed have all the kudos? It’s enough that some women – or all women some time ago – were kept down. If you are a woman, that’s all you need to stake your claim. Same goes of course if you’re black, brown, homosexual, lunatic, or criminal. Others like you had it rough, so you are owed.

If you’re currently homeless, an illegal resident, an alcoholic, a drug addict, or a member of M-13 or al-Qaeda, you can pass jail and go straight to the community chest for your hand-out.

But our advice to you is choose a race complaint. The most solid claim, the claim recognized as being top priority right now, is a race claim. Then you have only to put a finger in the political breeze – the one blowing from the left – to learn which race is commonly agreed to be most “unsafe” while whites occupy the seats of power.

It will be better still if you also “belong” to a radical ideology. It’s an add-on, but could make all the difference to how much respect and promotion you have a right to demand. You could probably hit the jackpot this season if your chosen ideology is Islam or Communism. Being Muslim or Communist might even get you a pass for a while if you are still white and/or male.

But hurry. The wind changes often. More often than the weather changes (though it all tends, they say, towards heating the earth to destruction within 12 years). It could, for all you know, change before you can say “Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez”.

Victor Davis Hanson writes at American Greatness:

For progressives that revolutionary purity now is defined by race is an ironic return to the values of the Old South, which sought to calibrate privilege by skin color. The reprehensible Confederate idea of the whitest has now morphed into the least white being the most authentically grieved and thus deserving of the greatest reparatory privileges — the constant, of course, remains that superficial appearance based on race trumps all individual characteristics.

What started with affirmative action became “diversity’, which in turn during the Obama Administration was redefined not as minority groups with either historical grievances against the majority or accepted claims of ongoing racial victimization. Instead authentically diverse were all who claimed to be racially or linguistically distinguishable from the white majority.

Then diversity as a revolutionary moment was further expanded by including gays and woke women, which essentially took the initial African-American population whose plight was the aim of affirmative action and expanded it to in theory a majority of about 200 million Americans who were either non-white or women or both.

Now the revolution cannot figure out its own hierarchy of authentic grievance groups. So it has agreed on a loose “intersectionality”, in which over a dozen and often overlapping victim cadres agree that each degree of non-white-maleness adds authenticity and become a force multiplier of left-wing radicalism.

Among leftists, Kamala Harris, as black and female, trumps Cory Booker who is just black, who trumps Elizabeth Warren who is exposed as just female, who trumps Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders who are reverse threefers as white, male, and heterosexual. …

In such a revolutionary scramble to be the most diverse and hard left, the logical trajectory ends up with a race to transcend the physical limits of victimhood.

So now appears Jussie Smollett.

He is not just left-wing, but a rabid hater of Donald Trump. And he is not just black, but gay as well. And he is not just a victim, but a hyper-victim of white bullies. And not just bullies, but bullies with MAGA hats. And he is not just a victim of white red-hats, but a victim of ski-masked racists. And not just of their blows, but of (frozen?) bleach. And not just of bleach and blows, but of lynch rope as well. And they did not just hit, but smeared and slurred. And not just MAGA sloganeering, but anti-gay, anti-black—and perhaps, worst of all, in our performance society, they slandered his “Empire” TV show!

Progressives are like a worn rope being pulling apart at both ends. At one end, there is an effort to radicalize prior radicalization, and on the other end victimhood is heading toward parody.

And what is left is the emblematic Jussie Smollett—the logical result of the revolution, who alone has staked out the only authentic and ultimate revolutionary stance: nihilism—a state where no one can possibly rival Jussie’s revolutionary grievance credentials because they cannot exist in a reality based world.

Or put another way, when no one is revolutionary enough, the revolutionary auditors end up ridiculous in their zeal for power and celebrity — sort of like Orwell’s radical pigs finally prancing about on two legs and feasting on silver, sort of like Jussie Smollett leveraging the ultimate state of victimhood for a better deal on “Empire”.

Parody, yes.

Come to think of it, parody is the non-stop Performance Art of the American Left.

Parody of oppression. Parody of victimhood.

Of leadership. Of scholarship. Of justice. Of femininity and masculinity. Of diversity. Of inclusion. Of tolerance. Of equality. Of anti-racism. Of anti-fascism.

Of being revolutionaries. Of being liberal. Of being democrats.

Of being Americans.

.

(Hat-tip to Cogito for the VDH article)

White man repenting 1

It’s hard to be satirical these days. Political realities outstrip satire with their absurdities.

But The Onion does it – perfectly:

Posted under Humor, satire, United States, Videos by Jillian Becker on Monday, May 8, 2017

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Learn to take offense 1

For fun on a Sunday –

nice satire by JP:

Posted under Humor, satire, Videos by Jillian Becker on Sunday, March 12, 2017

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Trump laughs at Trump 1

Donald Trump has been accused of having no sense of humor. Here he sends himself up.

 

Posted under Humor, satire, Videos by Jillian Becker on Tuesday, October 18, 2016

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The church of J. C. Capitalist 1

Although we are atheists, we’re happy to bring our readers John Cleese’s persuasive recruiting ad for his new Christian church, because we are also capitalists:

Posted under Atheism, Capitalism, Christianity, Comedy, Humor, satire, Videos by Jillian Becker on Monday, August 1, 2016

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