Adopt a terrorist 1

A Canadian female liberal wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

She demanded a response to her letter.

She received back the following reply:

National Defence Headquarters

M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT

101 Colonel By Drive

Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2

Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces, who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa. You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defence, to be called ‘Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers’ program, or L.A.R.K. for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists and place them in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country, under those citizens personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with your recommendations.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his ‘attitudinal problem’ will help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling, however, we strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.

Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbours or relatives about your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him.

You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I’m sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of ‘respecting his culture and religious beliefs’ as described in your letter.

You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a counsellor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter while Ahmed is adjusting to Canadian culture.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,

Gordon O’Connor

Minister

Posted under Canada, Humor, liberalism, Terrorism by Jillian Becker on Monday, September 7, 2020

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Superhero Trump 2

Crude it may be, but highly satisfying in its comic-strip style:

Posted under Humor, United States, Videos by Jillian Becker on Saturday, February 23, 2019

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Time for a laugh 12

The short career of Jesus the Magician:

Posted under Humor by Jillian Becker on Friday, July 28, 2017

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White man repenting 1

It’s hard to be satirical these days. Political realities outstrip satire with their absurdities.

But The Onion does it – perfectly:

Posted under Humor, satire, United States, Videos by Jillian Becker on Monday, May 8, 2017

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Learn to take offense 1

For fun on a Sunday –

nice satire by JP:

Posted under Humor, satire, Videos by Jillian Becker on Sunday, March 12, 2017

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A bridge of shared laughter 2

For fun.

Trump supporter Milo Yiannopoulos, who is not a traditional conservative, is interviewed by Bill Maher, who is the only good liberal according to Milo:

Posted under Humor by Jillian Becker on Monday, February 20, 2017

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Religion is funny 1

Dave Allen was a very funny comedian.

Is a very funny comedian.

Posted under Comedy, Humor by Jillian Becker on Thursday, November 17, 2016

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The scoffers who must now eat crow 5

Trump supporters, enjoy!

Posted under Humor by Jillian Becker on Sunday, November 13, 2016

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God’s emails 1

Hackers of Faith have succeeded in hacking God’s emails.

There are many trillions of them, and it will take generations to read them all – if ever.

Whom does God email? Apparently his son and a “holy” ghost.

One enormous help to us is that God decided that he would write in our modern English – millennia before it came into use in our world.

Here are a few quotations from the first batch downloaded. They are not in chronological order. Some obviously come from thousands of years before we “invented” email.

Must definitely decide whether to make him let my chosen people go. I say okay – and then I harden my heart. Over and over again. “Ditherer!” I say to myself.

Made same beetle as last but this time green – and no spots.

Tsunami victims begging for lives to be saved. Absolutely not! We’ve been through this before. How many more times? Entry for March 3 1562 says it all.

Bird flu not yet off the ground. No hurry. Ebola doing okay.

Allah who?

Ten-leg bug? If so, evolve or fresh design?

That bankrupt fellow again complaining wife dead, son lost, daughter debauched, increasing abdominal pains, on and on. Same old refrain, “Why Oh why?” Well, that’s for me to know and him to suffer. Anyway, what generation is it for the visiting of iniquities in his case – fourth or fifth?  I think still one to go. Check for me please, Shade?

Preparing 2nd hurricane for Florida coast. The tree blocking that nice guy Jim’s sea-view still standing. This time – whambo!

Okay, cooling breeze on its way to Little Hampton.

Must not let Shirley P miss last bus. Delay it at traffic lights – hold red.

Small pox revival cancelled.

Measles in 3 “Indian” Reserves, Canada. Spread to US immediately.

More ebola? No-0-0. Launch Zika.

One million three hundred thousand five hundred and two more types of beetles. This very day. Why not?

Yes, will make him let them go. But can’t remember now why I chose them. Or what for.

Briefing of angels? Need-to-know basis only.

So it’s as I thought – fourth generation. He’s still moaning “Why Oh why?” Can’t he get it? Because I say so!

Life on more planets? Can’t be bothered. But will put traces to puzzle people. A bit of fun, foxing them.

Clash of galaxies. Whoops! Shouldn’t have happened. Wasn’t watching.

“Why Oh why?” Enough already! You’re history, moaner! Justice Shmustice!

Another nine hundred thousand and eighty-eight beetles. Entirely new. Phew!

Cannot recall why I gave female kangaroo two vaginas! What was I thinking? Beats me!

And why did I give human beings an appendix that they can’t use? Habit, I suppose.

No it’s My Space. My Space and My Time.

e to the power of I pi plus 1 = zero defines me ? Nah!

Will create living creatures that must regularly and often devour other living creatures in order to survive. Animals and humans must eat other animals and/or humans. Every day. Struggle or die. I see that that is good.

Yesss – keep it real! Keep it spontaneous!

Don’t know why I told them not to worship other gods before me. There aren’t any other gods.

I’m beginning to regret making people. I no longer get the worship, the obedience, the awe that I used to. Dilemma! If I make them just as I want them to be I’ll get no surprises from them and then I’ll be bored again.

Hackers of Faith have promised to release more from time to time, so watch this space. His space.

He might put a stop to it. But we think he’s getting a real kick out of giving us occasional insights, at last, into his mysterious ways.

Posted under Humor by Jillian Becker on Sunday, October 30, 2016

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Trump laughs at Trump 1

Donald Trump has been accused of having no sense of humor. Here he sends himself up.

 

Posted under Humor, satire, Videos by Jillian Becker on Tuesday, October 18, 2016

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