Today’s post is a tribute to the memory of Jonathan Swift, author of A Modest Proposal for Preventing the Children of Poor People From Being a Burden on Their Parents or Country, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Publick.  

It is a famous satire, written in raging indignation, first published anonymously in 1729.

This short piece is on a similar theme, composed in a similar mood; inferior, but topical.

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What can the purchaser of little human beings’ parts do with them?

Once a buyer has paid for the merchandise, he owns it outright, and should be able to do what he likes with it.

He (or she) can, for instance, use it for medical research. That’s universally acknowledged to be a noble use. It “benefits all mankind”.

If a whole dead child is handed over to you, you can take it straight to a taxidermist and have it stuffed. You can then treat it as a doll, an ornament … there is a range of possible uses.

If you take delivery of a live child, and are a deeply religious Muslim, you could donate it to the Caliphate of the Islamic State, which recently blew up a living baby “for training purposes”.

The Nazis found imaginative ways to use dead human beings in the Second World War. Being practical people, and thrifty by habit, they used the fat to make soap, and the best skins to make lampshades.

If tender human meat is obtainable in sufficient quantities, it will add choice to the old familiar butcher’s beasts. Recipes for how best to cook human parts are already being tested and recorded and will be published on the net.

Restaurants will soon have new gourmet delights on menus to tempt your appetite. At least one new specialist restaurant (we hear ) is already in the planning stage in San Francisco. It is to be called Nipion Nibbles (“nipion” being the Greek word for “baby” – but its cuisine will be American, not Greek). Watch out for it. And just think: if you are in the Wombfruit Industry, you may be eating one of your own children. How’s that for a novel thrill, madam?

Of course there will be fewer and fewer children born to be raised to adulthood.

But, “It’s orright, it’s okay,/ Duzzen relly matter if we fade awa-ay” (to parody the Beatles’ song).

No lives matter.

The Environmentalist Movement wants humanity to vanish from the earth, so the planet can return to its pristine health, the way it was before people evolved and mucked it up by building the civilization we used to have.