Every day, the Liberal American education system teaches about the global warming ‘crisis.’ Recently, a student friend of mine was presented with a 115 item list of things he could do to help ‘save’ the environment. Here are a few gems:

1. Use cloth diapers. Wonderful – now, instead of throwing away my baby’s diapers, I can wash ’em and reuse ’em. Welcome to 40 years ago.
2. Invest in well-made, functional clothing. Saving our environment, one pair of used overalls at a time.
3. Explore and learn about your community. I don’t stalk and am not a peeping Tom.
4. Learn where your waste and sewage goes. Yes, the journey of poop is a thrilling one. Tell it to be home by 11:00 PM!
5. Research socially responsible investments. Remember to kiss your money goodbye.
6. “Adopt a grandparent” from the local senior center. That’ll annoy the old chap.
7. Following on from the item above: volunteer to cook for senior citizens.
8. Sponsor a clothes swap. I hope that the clothes swapped are ‘well-made and functional.’
9. Educate yourself on global and ‘third world’ (their quotes) issues. May I suggest tyranny, mass murder, slavery, and starvation?
10. Spend time visualizing world peace. I can’t, can you?
11. Vote for candidates who support Green values. Is that a Liberal I smell?
12. Put toxic substances out of reach of children. Because children could potentially damage the environment once they enjoy a quick shot of Drano.
13. Communicate openly with your friends and coworkers. Gather ’round the water cooler for a heart-to-heart chat.
14. Work to unlearn cultural sexism and racism. Because everyone is sexist and racist. Except the racists, of course.
15. Ecotourism and ecoconsumerism. Yes, let’s enjoy two things that don’t even exist.
16. Decrease TV watching and increase creative learning. It’s been proven: sitting in front of a TV produces over 7 tons of CO2 per HOUR. Creative learning on the other hand, produces only 4 (or less if you buy carbon credits).

The packet ends with ‘have fun and be joyful.’ This to me is an invitation to get into my Hummer, put it in park, and hold the gas pedal down for a good twenty minutes. Nothing feels quite as good as a V8 revving up.

Have any of our readers encountered such Green ‘advice?’ Please tell us about it; it’s very entertaining.